I really do hope that he has read the letters and I am delighted that he has acknowledged that the people who took the time to write them are extraordinary.

Thank you to everyone who got involved, and I hope that it has made a difference.

I am really pleased with the line about good parenting is more important than family make up – as it is there for us to see that the Prime Minister can see that our children have just as much chance in life to be amazing as anyone else.

Jo

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What I try to remember is that anyone can be a parent but it takes a special person to be a kind, loving and happy mum!

L

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As soon as I get a reply I will update here.

Thank you again for all the support, reading through the emails again today has reminded me why I did this.

Dear Mr Cameron

Just over a month ago I decided that I wanted to give single parents the opportunity to show you just how amazing they are.  After all the recent bad press that the media has picked up blaming single parents for many events and problems in society I along with many other people felt that it was time that you and the wider government should see that there are many of us out there who work hard to make sure that our children have the best start in life.

I really hope that you can find the time to read all the letters attached as I can guarantee you that each person who has written one has had to struggle to make time to write them, including myself.

More information about the campaign is on the following page but I want to make it clear, I have no agenda here other than to highlight to you that Single Parents are Brilliant and for you to help me to get this message across when you talk.

The majority of us single parents are hard working, proud people who do take comments personally.  The campaign has been running for just over a month and within that time word has spread.  Not only have other parents taken the time to send in emails but it has empowered people to feel that others are listening and going through the same.

I am just the same, I am a single parent to a 3 ½ year old boy who knew that her child would have a better and safer life being raised just by me rather than in the situation he was in with 2 parents.  I feel I represent so many people out there, I started a new business 4 months ago as there are no part time jobs here with fixed hours to fit in with the available child care, so instead of giving up I got up and got on with it.  The reality though is that we don’t want cheered or applauded for being just another parent but we also don’t want to feel that our children are being labeled or written off before they have had a chance to prove how wonderful they will be regardless of how many parents live at home.

I would love the chance to come and meet you, so you can see what a single parent, raising a little boy alone looks like, and hear what she does to make sure that he will be extraordinary.

Thank you for your time

Yours Sincerely

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The financial strain must have been incredibly hard to bear, but she worked two jobs in order to make sure we stayed afloat. We didn’t have expensive holidays, and as a child I knew that money was tight, but she made sure I didn’t miss out on the things the other kids had.

My mum instilled me with morals and taught me the importance of working hard. I achieved some of the best GCSE and A Level results in my school year, went to one of the best Universities in the country and got an honours degree and a postgraduate degree.  Like millions of children raised by single parents, I am a long way from the unruly, yobbish, failing stereotype our government likes to paint.

Single parents do an amazing job. They and their kids are not to blame for the ills of society. Writing off the children of single parents is effectively writing off a huge number of talented children, who have the potential to be the next generation of doctors, teachers, maybe even MPs. Single parents should be supported, not criticised and blamed for situations they have no control over. They are doing the best they can for their children, on their own. Now I’m a parent myself, I know how tough a job it can be, but to be doing it alone, having to make all those tricky parenting decisions by yourself, with no one to discuss it with – wow.  Single parents ARE brilliant and I’m in awe of what an amazing job they do.

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Since having my daughter I have bought a 3 bedroom new build and pay for everything my daughter & I have.

I work hard, instill good values in my daughter and actually label myself as a much better parent on my own. There is no one interupting one on one time with my daughter and I, we have a very close relationship. She is not exposed to any arguing or adult conversation as it is only myself & her in the house. As I needed to return to work when she was 8months old for financial reasons – would love to spend all day, every day with my amazing girl if I could, she has developed amazingly and is well advanced for her age. I have a real problem with being labelled as a lesser parent because I am on my own. I recently lost my dad and my daughter her Papa and if it wasn’t for my little girl I would not have got through it. I think it is a testament to how close we are that all she has to do is smile at me & I smile.
I was brought up by a 2 parent family but I see no reason that I am not just as good on my own. We are not well off, her Dad makes no contribution financially, but we get by and I am sick sick sick fed up of people tarring all “bad” kids as coming from single parent families. This is not true.

Suzi

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The expression “single parents are brilliant” doesn’t really apply to me – and it may be useful to explain why!

…but first let me take you back 12 years or so.

I had been invited to attend an interview at a Golf Club in Exeter. In those days I was doing some semi-notable work for the Diocese of Exeter in the field of property management. When I say “interview” I was in fact being head hunted to move into the private sector by one of the UKs blue-chip surveying firms.

I went along out of interest. Sat with a bottle of (good) wine and two glasses was one of the senior partners. He was dressed superbly. Open neck shirt, Christian Dior suit, and good shoes. His tone was both fluent and persuasive. He had clearly done his homework. Like his shoes, this was one polished individual!

I drank the wine, got my ego boosted and left the meeting with a spring in my step. I did not however, take him up on his offer. Well not yet, anyway!

I bumped into this senior partner about two years later. I’ll call him Steven. I was out for a walk on a Sunday afternoon with my eldest daughter (4yo) and decided to call into a pub for a swift pint and give my daughter 15 minutes in the “children’s corner”.

I saw Steven at the bar. Drinking scotch. He was unshaved and had clearly lost about two stone in weight. He explained that his wife had left home, that he was now looking after (clearly on this occasion, not looking after) his three children. They were living in rented accommodation and he had not been in work for a few months. When he was speaking to me I could see him physically shaking. This was a broken man -a mere shadow of the chap I had met two years previously. The sight of Steven at that point in his life came back to haunt me!

Three years after my wife left me, this was in 2007, I was working full-time (I had, at last, taken the offer of a move from the Diocese into private practise). I was working in Bolton at the time –still living in Devon – but needs must! I had arranged extended child care for a couple of days. I was speaking to an assembled gathering of 40 or so clergy from the area and was explaining (selling) to them the concept of a private surveying firm with specialist knowledge of heritage conservation, looking after their church buildings. My total collapse was sudden and unexpected…

…48 hours later my GP was explaining to me that I was “exhausted”. I was. Completely and absolutely at the end of my tether! Panic attacks became frequent in those days. The harsh realities of single parenting were becoming all too real. No spare money, redundancy, continuing ill-health, having to move house and change schools, all why having to care (full-time) for my two young and really emotionally hurt girls. These were dark days.

It was during enforced convalescence (if you can call it that with two daughters at home) I set up OnlyDads – as a resource for other single dads who I guessed would be struggling. With memories of Steven still fresh in my mind, I knew I would not be the only dad struggling to hold it all together. Or should I say, sometimes failing to hold it all together.

I was right. The demands of this fledgling organisation increase daily.

When I decided on that Sunday morning in 2009 to put myself forward as a potential Conservative MP – you can read my full story on Conservative Home – I did so in the belief that you and your party would be offering some fresh ideas and thinking on how welfare may work in the UK. I was (and perhaps remain) convinced of the thinking behind our Big Society.

Now, in 2011, I have to ask myself if I made the right decision. I don’t want to dwell on your Father’s Day article in the Sunday Telegraph, nor indeed the blaming of feckless father’s for various ills in society – because that just reflects badly on the single mums who will be doing their best. Rather, I want to look forward and leave you with three thoughts:

1. Single parents aren’t necessarily brilliant. We are just everyday men and women – and what we want and perhaps need, is a country and a government supporting us with positive words and actions. More than anything else our children deserve this. And that means support and encouragement across the board – in all policy decisions and statements.
2. In running OnlyDads for these last four years I have encountered and supported thousands of dads. Some, like me, look after their children on their own and others who see their children for just some of the time. And indeed other Dads who don’t get to see their children at all! What I have found is that when the offer of support and direction is made – dads are only to eager to take the advice. As a country we can and must do more to helps dads – of that I’m sure.
3. Finally – I just want to talk about Big Society against the back drop of a real-life story. Three months ago OnlyDads received a call from a desperate sister of a recently bereaved Dad who was “going under”. Learning the dads location I needed to get in touch with another superb grass-roots Dads organisation, Dadshouse, to see if they could offer “on the spot” support. What followed would have been funny if it hadn’t have been so serious. At that precise moment, OnlyDads had had its internet connection cut off by BT for late payment of a bill and Dadshouse was without ‘phone access for much the same reason. For at least an hour we could not even get in touch with each other. Using Twitter from a mate’s computer, and a borrowed ‘phone we were able to make contact later that day, visit the dad, and reassure the family that help was at hand. Support by way of reassurance was offered and duly delivered.

The point of that story (and I can reassure you that Dad and children are now safe and happy and living in Germany with extended family) is that there are inspirational people doing great work and with just a little bit of support and recognition we could do so much more. It may interest you to learn that both Dadshouse and OnlyDads have never received anything at all by way of grants or donations. The work we have done with Dads has been invaluable in helping many dads keep going and play a more active role in the lives of their children. This for me is the very stuff of Big Society!

I also want to take my hat off to Jo (single mum, new business, and still finding the time to support and encourage single parents) with this campaign.  Now she is brilliant

I’ll end with an offer. If any of your ministerial team want to meet with single parents like Dadshouse, and Jo, or me at OnlyDads, just ask. Looking at and hearing about issues from the ground up is a good way, perhaps the only way, for Big Society to really take-off.

With kind regards

Bob

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I am also partially deaf, after suffering a blow to the head at 15 my hearing started to deteriorate this worsened during my pregnancy and when my son was 1yr old I was diagnosed with Menieres disease which affects balance and hearing, a side affect is that I also suffer from tinnitus 24/7. I’m on permanent medication to control my balance, my hearing deteriorated so much during my pregnancy and shortly after that I lost 90% of my hearing in my right ear, I was already 40% deaf in my left ear but this deteriorated to 80% deafness. I can not hear without my hearing aids I have a vibrating alarm clock as without my aids I can not hear the alarm ringing less than 1ft from my head I have a fire alarm with strobe lighting, A loop system to make the TV sound clearer I have to use subtitles in addition and I have a hearing aid compatable telephone as I have not been able to use a normal telephone in 10 years. All of these obstacles I have overcome with the support of my family and on the days where my hearing was really bad and I wanted to hide away from the world so I didn’t have to face anyone it was my son and his needs who pushed me to go out eg taking him to playgroup so he could socialise.

I do not get disability living allowance as I was told the first time I applied that they couldn’t predict how long the condition would last (this was before the medication had started to control my symptoms so I was frequenly getting dizzy spells lasting up to 3hrs then for several days after I would feel unsteady on my feet). The second time I applied I was told I had all the aids which would enable me to live an ordinary life and my medication was controlling my symptoms and as I could walk and talk I wasn’t entitled.

There have been times when it has been very difficult for me and I have pushed myself for my childs sake instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself once my son started school I volunteered in his class putting my skills as a nursery nurse to good use. It is difficult to hear at times in a classroom environment but the teachers I have worked with have been fantastic and very understanding and as my son has progressed through the school I have been asked to stay with yr1 and 2 children so not only do I support my own childs education but other children’s too. On top of that i’m also studying with the Open University to gain a degree in Childhood and Youth Studies but the voluntary work and part time study do not get acknowledged by the govt to them i’m just a single parent on benefits. I’ve just been refered to a disability officer to help me find employment and been told i’ll get sent to a private company to help me find work once I have been on jobseekers for 1yr. How do they expect me to fit everything in?!

My child does not ‘hang’ around the streets commiting crimes he isn’t behind in school, in fact he is in top group and I try to spend as much time as possible with him in the summer going on day trips which tend to have an educational theme, my child has books and a birthday party every year and is smartly dressed, none of the typical stereotypes you hear about children of single parents. What I want to know is when are this government going to start treating people no matter what circumstances as individuals instead of stereotyping and stigmatising?!

A.N.

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There is very few or should I say rare cases of women or men who actively choose to become a single parent, and the stereotype for this is predictable, usually creating an image of an immature under-age teenager who has purely ‘done it’ to get a house and claim benefits. How wrong these judgemental people are!! No-one who had ANY idea of what it takes to raise a child single-handedly would be so pious as to look down their nose on us, or endeavour to take on this momentous task quite so quickly!

As a single parent you feel you have to be better, from my own personal experience I am probably more better a parent then if I had had a partner, because I feel I have to prove a point to society, to myself and to my child that I can, have and will do this and hit back at all those who say we are failing our kids, when in fact we are probably giving them so much more of our time and attention because we can’t divert or place it on to anyone else but ourselves. Who says having another parent automatically gives your child a stable life? Do they have a better life? Who is ANYONE to say raising my child by myself is wrong! I didn’t realise it was a necessity to have a father  to ensure my child wouldn’t turn out to be a non-productive member of our society.

I have one child and he is now 9, from the day I found out I was pregnant I have raised him alone. When he was just 11mths old I moved out of my parents house into one of my own. Now not only did I have a baby to care for but I also had the added pressure of running a house. My day starts at 6.30am and doesn’t finish till at least 1am, you forsake all and any ideas of a social life, privacy and any attempt at dating. Theirs no book, no leaflet, no film or any type of instructions to raising a child you have to just wing it and keep all the balls juggled up in the air in the desperate hope none of them crash to the floor. It once was said that ‘if you had to advertise the job of a parent not one person would ever reply’. You can’t get more truer a statement then that!! I am a cook, cleaner, nursemaid, accountant, teacher, coach, and so many more things all rolled up into one. It’s a 24hr job and the only person on standby is yourself.

So when I hear, watch or read opinions of people who have never experienced this, yet feel it’s okay to condemn us it really angers me at their audacity. We may not get it always right but we are not failing our children just because there is only one of us either. I’ve sacrificed everything of who I was and what I would have become if I had not had him and why?? because I choose this life instead and as much as I think what or how it could have been so different, no matter how tired I am or how many times I have to remove felt tip off the wallpaper, I only have to look at my son and see him smiling and it makes all those little things dissolve into nothing but puffs of air, so to all single parents out their look in the mirror and pat yourself on the back, you are amazing at what you do and pretty fantastic!! Well Done You!!

As for you Mr Prime Minister take one day in the life of a single parent, just one whole day and you yourself will find your mindset and prioritys changed at just how difficult and tiring this task is!!

H.F.

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